Finally, you are here. 10 weeks in my womb.
You are an answer to prayer. The one my heart uttered 2 years ago just after your older brother, Piglet, was born.
As with your other siblings, (dare I say it here?) you came after a dream or prophecy I received about 3 months before you were conceived. You will be a … and your name will be … I got all that.
You are a rarity. The registrar at the hospital told me I am a Champion for being bold enough to have a 4th. Because most Chinese in Malaysia only have 1 or 2.
I suppose some people might say I am bold. Some might say I am foolish and ignorant of hard times in Malaysia’s political-economic climate today.
But I don’t feel any of those things. I feel strong in the knowledge that my heavenly Father is above all powers. As the song says – He is above all nature and all created things. He is faithful, all-sufficient, almighty, and the giver of all good gifts. His ways are not our ways. He has proven that throughout human history, not least in the brief 7 years of my life raising 3 other little ones. My greatest desire is that you will come to know Him the way I do. No, much more. And you will be that gift you were created to be, to all those around you.
So yes, I feel strong. But right now I don’t feel the kind of bravado connected with boldness. Each day I feel sick with nausea, water aversion, fatigue and try to run away from smells at every corner even in our home. I just got up in the middle of the night, feeling chilled and pukey and came down to snack. Then I remembered dinner was still left out on the table and I had urgent emails and overdue messages to attend to.
I try to do what I can, continuing with homeschooling most days, trying to keep up with the unending needs of your siblings and occasionally having to let them free play for a couple of hours straight because I’m so exhausted. They’ve been so good on the whole, though. Piglet has taken it upon himself to pray an extra prayer during mealtimes, “Pray mommy feel better.” Bless his heart.
I hope you are growing well, healthy and strong. Recently I turned down 2 work-from-home job offers to take care of my body and of you. Even though the days seem long, I know you will take only a short time to grow inside me and the little work that I have now can grow in future.
You are loved, so much. I cannot wait to meet you this December.
All my love,