Many times I think this season of life with little ones, homeschooling and homemaking, has taught me more than I ever dreamed possible. Every day I learn more about the children, about myself and, most of all, about my God who makes all things possible.
Truth be told, I deal daily with the pain of self-denial and sometimes the urge to bolt to some faraway place.
Some place where I don’t have to cook 3 times a day, teach a toddler and 2 preschoolers, referee disputes, change cloth nappies and discover perchance my wedding jewelry tucked away discreetly underneath my bedside table – perhaps when I was enjoying a 20 minute nap.
However, an ancient law appears incessantly in my thoughts:
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)
Recently also, probably sensing my restlessness, other women have come to my aid with affirming words such as “You are living the life I have always dreamed of” (imagine that!) and “The relationship you are building with your children now is something that money can never buy” (from my beloved elderly doctor, lamenting over never having seen any of her children’s milestones).
And so I plod on.
Trying to see the big picture amid the dirty dishes.
Remembering that being home affords me a greater number of hours to pass on values.
Savouring every touch of a little hand.
Reminding myself to be patient when 3 children are whining around me.
Being encouraged to continue when the 3 same children fill my days with inexpressible joy.
Trying (extremely hard) not to curse when I find cookie cutters, toys, books, stationery, nibbled coffee sachets and a dismembered cockroach tucked under the couch.
Remembering that I cook 3 meals a day, mostly from scratch, because I am committed for better or worse to good nutrition and they will thank me for it one day.
Trying (again!) to view household chores as a constant refining by fire.
Teaching 3 little ones as faithfully as I can, being amazed every single day at what they are learning – and teaching me.
Renewing my vows to love and respect Sweet Man for the man he is, and the man God is making him to be (because many a time my own arrogance disappoints me).
I have discovered from some exceedingly painful mistakes that when I open my heart, instead of persisting in unbelief, I am blessed – and enabled – to do all the good that I do solely by the incredible grace, strength and love of God.
I have fallen and cried many times.
HE has picked me up, always. My heavenly Father whose love, dependability and constant presence I want my children to know intimately, as I am growing to know.
A university degree and biblical education educated my mind. But stay-home motherhood is educating my heart.